We are surrounded by relatives, friends, colleagues – the environment we coexist in. Sometimes, it might just happen that you have never experienced anything, well, different. The cost? Opportunity. Great one? Quite possible.
It is not easy to assess the environment sometimes as you might have already been there for a while and accustomed. You can find it usual or comfortable and it feels kinda – “OK”. The longer you stay, the harder it gets to let go.
Everyone we connect with has their set of values that we interact with. And when we do, we exchange. We both give and receive. In a stream of constant interactions, how can one know what he/she is looking for when he/she does not know what it is?
Behaviour speaks and it’s loud
Let’s dive deeper and identify the sought by reverse engineering. Behavior is the product of values. As life goes on we make choices that create our experiences. It defines our identity over time.
Behavior can be expressed through master programs that we follow: Theory-of-Action and Theory-in-use. The “Theory-of-Action” is what we tell we believe in. The “Theory-in-use” is what we actually believe in. When both express the same, we tell what we believe in and act to it accordingly. Simply put words and actions go hand in hand.
Another component is the reasoning mindset: Defensive or Productive. Theories and mindset combined, represent two models with a set of values:
Model I (Theory-in-use + Defensive mindset):
- Having things under control single-handedly;
- To win, but not to lose;
- Suppression of negative emotions;
- Rational behavior;
Model II (Theory-in-use + Productive mindset):
- Search for objective evidence;
- Creates an environment for informed decision;
- Constant monitoring and correction of errors;
The symptoms of “Model I”? Fear (e.g. threat to career, authority, and privileges), ignorance (e.g. not willing to accept the opinion of others, suppression of others), ignoring (e.g. submerging the issue or making it undiscussable).
“Model II”? Sharing (e.g. responsibility sharing, encouraging others), openness (opinions of others matter, supporting the success of others), curiosity (evidence-based decisions/informed decisions).
Think of your experiences.
The anticipation of something bad to happen might sometimes feel like the drama of the world about to come to an end where nothing would exist after. You concentrate so much on the urgency to find a solution out of desperation. As a result, the ability to act on other vital aspects of life just gets paralyzed.
Funny fact is that most of the time all the circumstances and outcomes cannot be assessed and foreseen no matter how hard we try. The solution might not be an obvious one. And sometimes letting go is the best solution.
Embrace the pain and you will win this game…
Bond with the Universe
Asking an adequate price for services from a customer might be a challenge. There is nothing wrong with the customer. It is only about you. And it has always been just about you.
When you drive your attention to your skill and capabilities only, of a sudden your price tends to be so shallow. That is how small we are in that endless universe. But remember this, it is not about your talent or skill it is about being in the right place at the right time. It is about customer’s challenges to be solved, which might require many skills and competencies far beyond your personal competencies, and the only way for you is just to be you – that loving and caring person, with many friends to connect with.
Sometimes it might be a good idea to disengage. Why? Because by paying less the customer brings risks to you and asks you to cover those risks, well, with your own resources. Your time is being locked and opportunities missed.
Some customers keep generating more challenges than contributing to partner relations. It just happens. Guess whos paying then?
Instead of staying in the turbulence of insecurities and fears, step out, move on. Find your partners. Keep yourself healthy, offer value, build connections, live in present. Stay happy.
Diplomacy as a legit guide
Two “diplomacy schools” sometimes compared. The one related to Niccolo Machiavelli, and the other to Françoise de Collier. They are distinctive in terms of methods used to reach for an objective.
The school of Machiavelli uses power and strength to take advantage and achieve dominance over the weaker counterpart. Deception and intimidation are common.
At the same time, the school of French diplomacy of Françoise de Collier pursues long-term play relying on trust and cooperation, which requires time and nurture to develop relationships that will serve as a foundation for further deepening. That little extra, to create synergy.
After having invested so much, how would you get anything different when you are filled with what you have now?
Neither “Model I” nor “Model II” is better, both lead to success but it might be worth asking yourself, which one will make you, happy? One might be quick as a bliss the other develops in time and is long-lasting.
Which one will you choose?